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If Women Ruled The World

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Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.

Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit..

Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"

Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.

Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.

Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You're beautiful", "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit."

Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.

Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.

Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.

All toilet seats would be nailed down.

Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.

TV news segments on sports would never run longer than 1 minute.



HORROR at Lonavala:::: Chilling story!!!

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This happened about a month ago near Lonavala. A guy
was driving from
Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway
as he wanted to
See the scenery.
The inevitable happens and when he reached the ghats his
Car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere.
Having no choice he
Started walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a
lift to the
Nearest town. It was dark. And pretty soon he got wet and
Shivering. The night rolled on and no car passed by.
Suddenly he saw a car
coming towards him. It slowed and then stops next to
him - without thinking the guy opend the door and jumps in.
Seated in the
back, he leand forward to thank the person who had saved
him.
he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no
sound of any engine,
the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road
ahead and sees a
curve coming. Scared almost to death he starts to pray,
begging the Lord
for his
life.
He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits
the curve, a hand
appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car
makes the curve
safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy,
now paralyzed
in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they
are before a curve
and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car
around each bend.
Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage
he wrenches open
the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out
and runs as hard
as he can towards the lights. It's a small town.
He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks
down. Then he
starts talking about the horrible experience he's just
been through.
There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking
..... . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.... . . . . . . . . .

......and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into
the dhaba. Santa
points
and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who
got into our car when we
were pushing it."

Watch-man

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Busy husband one day sneak-in his own house in office hour and got behind to his wife silently and blinds his wife's eye with hands and said romantically with all of his hope ...
Husband: tell me darling who am I ?
Wife : Ummm... watchman ?

Chastity Belt

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A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."

So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong," he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"



When cigarettes become too expensive…

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COMPUTER -Gender

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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.* Each
group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The* native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As* soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
Masculine ('el computador') , because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They* are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model

Girls Profile for marriage (Recommended to read full)

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These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi . com These are actual ads on a
matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my
home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart....
when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or
send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a
first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.
Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me
and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell....)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
,THEY ARE
1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY
TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})


whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)


i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate
ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome" )

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~


iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~


iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)


~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.
i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.
(Zebra



Jokes......Bangla

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eitukun chele tumi etto boro dokan eka shamlao????
: jii
: boiyomer lojence,chocolate,biscuit eshob dekhe khete lobh hoy na?
: hoy.khai na. chete chete rekhe dei......
----------------------------------

park a pashapashi boshe achen duijon...

ekjon onnojonke bollo, ki dinkal je elo....ajkal ar poshak ashak dekhe chena jay na chele na meye...oy je oy meyetike dekhen......ke bolbe je shey meye???

: je meyetir kotha bolchen o kintu amari meye
:dukhito.....ami jantam na apni je or baba..
: maf korben.....ami or baba noi,ma



shikhok: bolo to prithibir akar ki rokom?
chatro: golakar,sir...
shikhok: besh besh! ebar proman dao ki kore bujhle prithibi gol???
chatro: joralo proman ache sir. prothom porikkhay prithibi chepta likhe shunno peyechi. ditiyo porikkhay choukona likeho shunno pelam.tarpor likhlam prithibi lomba,tao apni kete dilen... sheshe onek bhebe chinte likhlam teenkona, tao apni kete dilen....ta hole ar baki ki roilo sir???? gol howa chara prithibir ar to kono upay dekhte pacchi na.......

stri ebong shami .............**bangla**

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nobo bibahito dompottir majhe kotha hocche...
stri: jodi boli amar uporer patir datgulo badhano,tobe tumi ki raag korbe?
shami:-motei na ami tobe nishchinte amar porchula ar kather pa ta khule rakhte parbo....

khek khekzzz.......kichu bujhlen????

Tin chapabaj **bangla**

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Tin chapabaj boshe boshe golpo korchhe...

1st one: Ami to bashay cup er por cup cha khai. Amar didi cup a cha dhale r ami khai, dhale r ami khai.

2nd one: A r emon ki? Ami to direct kettle er pipe er moddhe mukh diye dhok dhok kore cha khai.

3rd one: A r emon ki? Ami prothome ektu cha pata khai, ektu chini khai, ektu dudh khai tar pore lungi ta uchu kore stove er upore boshe pori... hah hah hah. Amar ta vitorei cha hoye jay...

Pricessless words!

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A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"


Moral

Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00

Saying the Right Thing While Drunk รข€“ "PRICELESS "

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy

Height of Optimism...

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Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",
Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction" !.

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What is the height of mixed emotions???
when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur mercedes!!!!

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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

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bhikari : sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab : tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?

=========================================================

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

Electric Train

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Some Sarder Jokes

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1
Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
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2
Manager asked to sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 15 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
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3
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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4
Boss: Where were you born?
sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
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5
sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
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6
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'..
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai
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7
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler
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8
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
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9
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright
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10
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
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11
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
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12
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ? Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.........
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13
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
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14
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one...........
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15
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
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16
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself.. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
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17
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated.....drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
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18
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all
India Radio
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If you Love Someone............

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THE ORIGINAL QUOTE
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was.....

THE NEW VERSIONS R.....

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ....

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love( m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.

Schwarzenegger' s fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

Who Kissed Her?????

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A case of kiss and a slap:
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------
Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.

Letter to Dad

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Subject: A Letter to Dad


A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom
was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and
tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of
the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he
opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend
Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been
finding real passion with Randy and he is
so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even
with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he
wants me to have the kid and that
we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so
old these days is it?),
and has no money, really these things shouldn't
stand in the way of our
relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a
trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's
true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful
to me in his own way.
He wants to have many more children with me and
that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our
friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll
pray that science will find a
cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure
deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know
how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can
get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.



At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling,
her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
the neighbor's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse
things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer.
Please sign it and call when it is
safe for me to come home. I love you!

Hot news

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After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."

student & teacher

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Sam: Would u punish me for something that i didn't do?

Teacher: No, Ofcourse not.

Sam: Good big grin , because i didn't do my homework.

Draw a god

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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."


Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute

Funny Jokes...........Must ReAd (Bengali)

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Ekbar ekta lok prochur mair khaise. Take dekhe traffic police take jigges korlo "vai ki hoise? apni erokom mair khailen ken?"

Tokhon lokta boltese "Ki ar bolbo, ami amar wife er chobi dekhte dekhte rastai hattesilam, emon somoi hat theke chobita pore gelo. Chobi ta khujte giye dekhi ekta mota mohila oitar upor daraye ase. Ami kase giye bollam 'Apa, shari ta tulen photo tulbo'. Bas tarpor amar ei obostha."

Three things that even Microsoft can't explain!

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MAGIC #1

An Indian found that nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the Computer which can be named as "CON". This is something funny and inexplicable… At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW, IT WILL NOT CREATE A "CON" FOLDER

MAGIC #2

For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.
Noticed the weird bug? No one can explain!

MAGIC #3

Again this is something funny and can't be explained… At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!
It was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it out yourself…
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
And then press ENTER
And see the magic…..!

Bra Sizess !!!!! +(R)

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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's
and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter
and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?

Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a
sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are
really only four types of bras to choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The
saleslady replied:

There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the
Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the
differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G,
and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood
for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enorm! ous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

I always used to wonder about those alphabetical
sizes.....hehehe, now i know!!

NOKIA - Useful Universal Code

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These Nokia codes will work on most Nokia Mobile Phones

(1) *3370# Activate Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) - Your phone uses the best sound quality but talk time is

reduced my approx. 5%

(2) #3370# Deactivate Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) OR *3370#

(3) *#4720# Activate Half Rate Codec - Your phone uses a lower quality sound but you should gain approx 30%

more Talk Time.

(4) *#4720# Deactivate Half Rate Codec.

(5) *#0000# Displays your phones software version, 1st Line : Software Version, 2nd Line : Software Release

Date, 3rd Line : Compression Type.

(6) *#9999# Phones software version if *#0000# does not work.

(7) *#06# For checking the International Mobile Equipment Identity (IMEI Number).

(8) #pw+1234567890+1# Provider Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(9) #pw+1234567890+2# Network Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(10) #pw+1234567890+3# Country Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w"
and "+" symbols).

(11) #pw+1234567890+4# SIM Card Lock Status. (use the "*" button to obtain the "p,w" Go to Top
and "+" symbols).

(12) *#147# (vodafone) this lets you know who called you last.

(13) *#1471# Last call (Only vodofone).

(14) *#21# Allows you to check the number that "All Calls" are diverted to

(15) *#2640# Displays security code in use.

(16) *#30# Lets you see the private number.

(17) *#43# Allows you to check the "Call Waiting" status of your phone.

(18) *#61# Allows you to check the number that "On No Reply" calls are diverted to.

(19) *#62# Allows you to check the number that "Divert If Unreachable (no service)" calls
are diverted to.

(20) *#67# Allows you to check the number that "On Busy Calls" are diverted to.

(21) *#67705646# Removes operator logo on 3310 & 3330.

(22) *#73# Reset phone timers and game scores.

(23) *#746025625# Displays the SIM Clock status, if your phone supports this power saving feature "SIM Clock Stop

Allowed", it means you will get the best standby time possible.

(24) *#7760# Manufactures code.

(25) *#7780# Restore factory settings.

(26) *#8110# Software version for the nokia 8110.

Go to Top

(27) *#92702689# Displays - 1.Serial Number, 2.Date Made, 3.Purchase Date, 4.Date of last repair (0000 for no

repairs), 5.Transfer User Data. To exit this mode you need to switch your phone off then on again. ( Favourite )

(28) *#94870345123456789# Deactivate the PWM-Mem.

(29) **21*number# Turn on "All Calls" diverting to the phone number entered.

(30) **61*number# Turn on "No Reply" diverting to the phone number entered.

(31) **67*number# Turn on "On Busy" diverting to the phone number entered.

(32) 12345 This is the default security code.

press and hold # Lets you switch between lines

NOKIA5110/5120/5130/5190


IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 0 0 0 #
Simlock info: * # 9 2 7 0 2 6 8 9 #
Enhanced Full Rate: * 3 3 7 0 # [ # 3 3 7 0 # off]
Half Rate: * 4 7 2 0 #
Provider lock status: #pw+1234567890+1
Network lock status #pw+1234567890+2
Provider lock status: #pw+1234567890+3
SimCard lock status: #pw+1234567890+4
NOKIA 6110/6120/6130/6150/6190
IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 0 0 0 #
Simlock info: * # 9 2 7 0 2 6 8 9 #
Enhanced Full Rate: * 3 3 7 0 # [ # 3 3 7 0 # off]
Half Rate: * 4 7 2 0 #

NOKIA3110


IMEI number: * # 0 6 #
Software version: * # 0 0 0 0 # or * # 9 9 9 9 # or * # 3 1 1 0 #
Simlock info: * # 9 2 7 0 2 6 8 9 #
NOKIA 3330
*#06#
This will show your warranty details *#92702689#
*3370#
Basically increases the quality of calling sound, but decreases battery length.
#3370#
Deactivates the above
*#0000#
Shows your software version
*#746025625#This shows if your phone will allow sim clock stoppage
*4370#
Half Rate Codec activation. It will automatically restart
#4370#
Half Rate Codec deactivation. It will automatically restart
Restore Factory Settings
To do this simply use this code *#7780#
Manufacturer Info
Date of Manufacturing *#3283#
*3001#12345# (TDMA phones only)

This will put your phone into programming mode, and you'll be presented with the programming menu.
2) Select "NAM1"
3) Select "PSID/RSID"
4) Select "P/RSID 1"
Note: Any of the P/RSIDs will work
5) Select "System Type" and set it to Private
6) Select "PSID/RSID" and set it to 1
7) Select "Connected System ID"
Note: Enter your System ID for Cantel, which is 16401 or 16423. If you don't know yours,
ask your local dealer for it.
8) Select "Alpha Tag"
9) Enter a new tag, then press OK
10) Select "Operator Code (SOC)" and set it to 2050
11) Select "Country Code" and set it to 302 for Canada, and 310 for the US.
12) Power down the phone and power it back on again
ISDN Code
To check the ISDN number on your Nokia use this code *#92772689#