BananaSplitzz

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Afraid of water

sardar(to his friend): my wife is afraid of water.

friend: how can u say that?

sardar: yesterday when i reached my home i found her in the bath tub with our security guard.......

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Anomaly

"Doctor, I need your help," Preeto says.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"My husband, Banta, just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?"

"Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has he seen a doctor?"

"Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!"

"Er ... Why don't you take a lover?"

"I have! I still don't get enough."

"Take another lover."

"I did. In fact, I have eight lovers and I still don't get enough sex!"

"Gosh, that's an anomaly!"

"Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!"

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At The Circus


Banta and Preeto took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.

"Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked.

"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.

"No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy.

Embarrassed, Preeto replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some samosas and drink.

While she was gone, the young boy turned to Banta and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?"

"That's the elephant's penis, son," explained Banta.

"Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked.

Taking a deep breath, Banta proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

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Badi Cheez

sardar to his friend -I want to gift something to my girlfriend

Friend -give her a gold ring

Sardar-Nahi Kuch Badi cheez bata

Friend MRF Ka Tyre De De.

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Banta in Paris

Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years.

He had established a furniture store and was doing quite well.

He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried.

He scheduled a buying trip to France.

Bantas first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home.

After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.

The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table.

Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face.

He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head "yes." The girl sat down with him.

The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French.

He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of Punjabi.

He had an idea. He took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes." They sat quietly enjoying their wine.

When it was just about finished, Banta realized it was nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner.

She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant. They went in.

The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and see the dance floor.

Banta could not read the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to order for him.

The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.

After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the band played, whether fast or slow.

When the band quit playing and began to pack away their instruments,the couple returned to their table.

The girl took a napkin and reached for Bantas pen.He handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed..........!

Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he was in the furniture business

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Beautiful Girl

Biwi: yesterDay I saW a veRy beaUtiful giRl.

Sardar: ThEn whAt haPPened?

Biwi: I jUst kept on aDmiring hEr, oN and oN..

Sardar (gets irritated): WHAT haPPened thEn?

Biwi smiled and said:
ThEn.............................................. ............ I moVed aWay frOm thE miRRor

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Bet

Seeing santa singh depressed one of his friends asks him.

"oye why r u sad?"

....to which santa replies ..."i lost 300 rs in bet."

... his friend ask hims..."how?"

santa singh says.."i bet on india for rs 200...but unfortunately india lost"

his friend queries.."but u said 300 rs..."

santa singh answers..."i again bet for india for rs 100 in the HIGHLIGHTS of the match"

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Santa Banta find a bomb


Santa and Banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station.

"What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Banta.


"Don’t worry about it," says Santa. "We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two."

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Bombay

Sardar traveling in plane going to bombay.

while it is landing he shouted bombay... bombay..., air hostes said b silent.

sardar said ok and shouting "ombay ombay"

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Burnol Aur Viagra

sardar ki jangh jaal gayi,

dr. ne burnol aur viagra likh ke di

sardar bola burnol to samza par viagra kyon?

dr. ne kaha usse blanket uncha rahega.

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Bus Tickets

Santa Singh bought two tickets to Connaught Place from Tilak Nagar in a DTC bus in Delhi. The conductor was a bit surprised as he could not see anyone with Santa.

Conductor: "Oye Sardaran! Why do you need two tickets? You are travelling alone?"

Santa Singh: "Dont you know.. pick-pocketing is common on buses... so I will keep one ticket in my shirts left pocket and the other in my right! So even if a pickpocket gets at one of my pockets, I will still have a ticket and will not travel without ticket!"

Conductor: "What if a pickpocket gets both your pockets?"
Santa Singh takes out his wallet from his pant pocket: "I have a monthly pass also!"


Conductor: "And if someone gets your pant pockets also.. then what.. then you will be fined for travelling without ticket!!"

Santa Singh puts his hand inside his shirt and displays his ID card (hanging with a chain around his neck) and says with a cunning smile: "Phir sadda DTC staff hone ka kya fayada!"

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Car dents

Banta was driving back from Shimla when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.

He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 5,000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.

He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."

Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.

"What are you doing?" asked Santa.

"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.

"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.

"Why not?" asked Banta.

"Because you've got to roll up the windows first."

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Chasma

SANTA: YAAR BANTA MUJHE CHASMA LE DO MUJHE DOOR KA DHIKAYI NAHI DETA HAI

BANTA BAHAAR LE JAATE HUE: WOH KYA HAI?

SANTA: SURAJ

BANTA:ABE AUR KITNA DOOR DEKHEGA

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Santa’s chicken farm

One day our Santa decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbour, Banta, was also a chicken farmer.

Banta came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens."

Santa was thrilled. Two weeks later Banta stopped by to see how things were going.

Santa said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died."

Banta said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and Banta stops in again.

Santa says, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too."

Astounded, Banta asked, "What did you do to them? What went wrong?"

"Well," says Santa, "I’m not sure. But I think I’m not planting them far enough apart."

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Cricket

SANTA & BANTA WERE GOOD FRIENDS.THEY BOTH LOVED CRICKET.

THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHO EVER DIES FIRST WILL COME IN THE OTHERS DREAM & TALK ABOUT CRICKET.

BANTA DIED FIRST. SO BANTA CAME IN SANTAS DREAM AND TALKED ABOUT CRICKET.

SO SANTA ASKED BANTA THAT HOW IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN?

BANTA SAID "IN HEAVEN CRICKET IS VERY FAMOUS".

THE NEXT DAY BANTA AGAIN CAME.HE TOLD SANTA THAT HE HAS ONE GOODNEWS & ONE BAD NEWS.

SANTA FIRST ASKED THE GOODNEWS.

BANTA SAID"THE GOODNEWS IS THAT THERE IS A MATCH IN HEAVEN TOMORROW & IAM THE OPENING BATSMAN".

THEN SANTA ASKED THE BAD NEWS & BANTA SAID

"THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER IN THAT MATCH!!!"

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Santa’s delight

Doctor: I regret to inform you that you have a brain tumor.

Santa Singh: Hey! Is it? Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Listen, do you really understand the implications.

Santa Singh: Yes of course, do you think I’m a dumbhead or a dodo?

Doctor: Then, why on earth, are you so happy to hear that?

Santa Singh: Oh Doc, how do I tell you? I can prove the people wrong now as I do have a brain.

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Elizabeth

Once Queen Elizabeth comes to India in summers, and is invited for lunch by the then President, Giani Zail Singh.

While in the President House, ELizabeth wants to fresh herself so she very politely says to Gianiji, Gianiji can you please show me the Corner Gianiji takes Liz to the corner of the room where two walls meet, and says Here is the corner and comes back.

Then She again try to convince him again and now says in a slightly blunt American manner - Gianiji can you please show me the Loo.

No Madamji, Loo is a very bad thing and can even kill people. This is a nice AC hall so why dont you sit here and enjoy the lunch, says Gianiji.

Now its really hard for her to hold it any further.

She gathers all the words she knows of Hindi and forgetting all her English style-wyle shouts out to Gianiji Gianiji please mujhe aap peshaab karne ki jagah dikha deejeeay... Gianiji is all smiles.

Very quietly in shy manner he says - Pehle Aap Dikhaao

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Erotic Thoughts

Banta was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any happiness, his sanity began to slip away.

One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, and then throws wet seaweed on top until smoke is billowing high in the air. The ship starts to come his way!

Banta gets all excited and thinks, "Finally! I'm going to be saved! The first thing I want is to take a long, hot shower. Then they're Banta to give me some clothes and I'm going to go upstairs and have a nice dinner. I will find a nice lady to dance with, then I will take to her cabin and we can kiss and I can fondle her body. She'll start to take off her clothes and she'll be wearing red silk panties!"

At this, he gets an erection. He slips his hand into his shorts, grabs his pecker, and yells, "Ha Ha Ha!! I fooled you! I lied about the ship!"

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Essay

Sardar par ek essay :

Sardar ek vichitra prani hota hai.

yeh gurudware ke aas paas paye jate hai.

inke sir par ek yantra laga hota hai jo roz 12 baze bajta hai.

inka mukhya ahar langhar hota hai.

iske sare shareer par baal hote hai.

yeh punjab ke jungalo mein paye jata hai.

isko gurupurab wale din badi matra mein dekha ja sakta hai.

yeh chutkule banane ke kam aate hai.

yeh bada ho kar driver banne ke kam aata hai

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A fishing trip

Santa and Banta decided to go on a fishing trip. They went to a tackle store, bought all of the equipment they needed and then went on to the lake. There they rented a boat for the day.

Once out to a spot they dropped their lines, and through the day had tremendous luck.

Santa said to Banta, "We should mark this spot." So Banta leaned over a put a mark on the side of the boat.

Santa said "You fool that won’t work".

"Why?" said Banta.

Because Santa said "we may not get the same boat tomorrow."